Ask the Unasked

‘Ask the Unasked” question is a key part of the SHARES on Suicide approach. So many people have been asked a thousand times if they’re suicidal, if they have plan and so on, without ever being asked questions that explore what those suicidal thoughts mean to them, where they might be coming from, if they might carry a message beyond just wanting to die and more. The goal here is to look for the questions conventional approaches have missed and that might support someone to discover something or make meaning in a new way.

This community list is meant to be a growing list of creative questions that often get missed, particularly when someone is constrained by agency policies, is feeling scared or anxious or perhaps even just stuck. Although there are several different categories of questions below, they essentially fit into the following three areas:

• Expand the story
• Explore assumptions
• Empower/share power

This is not an exhaustive list and, more than anything, is meant to inspire people to get creative when they’re blanking on where to go with a conversation. None of these questions are ‘magic’ and none of them will be the ‘right’ question all the time. Some of them may even be the ‘wrong’ question in a moment and cause a disconnect, but that doesn’t have to be ‘bad’ provided you’re paying attention and open to changing directions if a particular path you choose isn’t working for the person you’re supporting. (Being too afraid to ask the ‘wrong’ question itself can get in the way of finding the ‘right’ ones!)

Refer to this list whenever it is helpful for you to do so. That could include:

• As a quick reference point for just you when you’re in the midst of a situation and feeling stuck
• Together with someone you’re supporting to see if the question list inspires either of you to consider a new path for exploratoin
• After and interaction to reflect on opportunities that might have been missed and that you might want to consider for the future
• With co-workers when co-reflecting on actual or hypothetical situations

Reminders: Don’t be afraid of silence. Sometimes the next important thing someone says comes after they think you’re done asking. Be sure not to just read questions from the list like you’re reading a script! Consider how you can put a question in your own words!

Caution: These questions are not meant to be asked all at once or as a part of a checklist. Which questions you choose should be based on who you are, who the person you’re supporting is, what’s going on at the moment and the nature of your relationship. There should never be a requirement to answer a question someone doesn’t want to answer. These questions should be an invitation, not a demand. The best question isn’t usually the next one on the list. It’s the one that grows naturally out of what the person just shared.

If you’d like to add a question to the list, click the ‘submit new question’ below!